Silent Night
by BlatantCorruption
Summary: Remus lives through his first Christmas without his friends. Angsty little Christmas story.


"Silent Night" By:  
  
A/N: This is a pretty old and slightly crappy HP fic I wrote at about 4am on Christmas Eve last year when I couldn't sleep.  
  
I am absolutely obsessed with reading and writing fics about Remus post- Halloween 1981. I wish JKR had gone more into depth regarding this. Well, she hasn't, so I will. This is basically Remus sitting alone on Christmas Eve, just with his memories of his friends. No slash this time, sorry guys. Just angst. Lots and lots and lots of it. Read and review, please!!!  
  
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"Silent night....holy night...all is calm...all is bright."  
  
Muggle carolers warble outside my broken-down, aged flat. I sit here alone, sitting in front of the window of my decrepit basement apartment, gazing out at a clear white moon.  
  
All is silent tonight. But there is nothing holy about it. There's no brightness in the dark room that settles all around me, voices above the thin ceilings bringing laughter and warmth and family. All those things I had once, but were taken from me.  
  
How could things have changed so much in one year? Just last year...just 365 mere days ago...I was sitting in Lily and James's house in Godric's Hollow, laughing as Sirius tried to get a six-month old Harry to put the star on top of the tree and James trying to stop Sirius from breaking his son's head open. The sounds of joyful laughter ringing from the kitchen as Peter joked with Lily and helped mix the eggnog. Voldemort's threat of darkness seemed trivial and unimportant in the face of such overwhelming light and love.  
  
James and Lily...dead, by Voldemort's hand. How can it be? Just a year ago, I can still see them, James's arm around Lily as we sang Christmas carols, gazing proudly down at his sleeping son, who was lying peacefully in Lily's arms.  
  
Peter...murdered. And yet it seems that he's still here. He always loved Christmas, as did I, all the people he loved gathered together in one place, friendship and family uniting against the darkness that always threatened to spill over and destroy us all.  
  
Harry...oh, God...Harry. As much as we both lost, at least I'll be able to remember the happier times. His parents snatched from him, sent to live with those horrible Muggles. I wonder what his Christmas is like this year? I wonder if he's happy. Though, if Lily's descriptions of her wizard-hating relatives are anything to go by, Harry's Christmas will be anything but joyful.  
  
And Sirius...how could you, Sirius? I bury my face in my hands, the tears I've cried for so long that keep coming, threaten to well up again in my eyes.  
  
You killed them all. Lily, James, Peter. You made Harry an orphan, you left me alone.  
  
How could you? Were you planning it all along? Did you live through that Christmas a year ago, smiling and laughing, already plotting their deaths? I could never have believed it. I still can't. You were always the bravest of us, always hated everything Voldemort stood for, hating your family and their prejudices. How, in the end, could you turn against everything you had ever believed in?  
  
You betrayed your friends to their deaths, you personally killed Peter, and...you left me here to suffer. Their pain is over, mine will linger on and on, for as long as long as I continue this miserable, damned existence. You fooled us all, you sold us out...  
  
And I just wish I could hate you.  
  
"Sleep in heavenly peace...sleep in heavenly peace..."  
  
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Oh dear, poor Remus. I don't like seeing him suffer. Well, please, please, please review and tell me what you thought. I personally don't think this is very well written. If you want a really well written Remus post- Halloween angst, go read "The Scar" by mysid. It's so brilliant.  
  
Just in case anybody is interested, I do request fics -mostly due to my lack of creativity. So if you want a story written, send me what you want and I'll do my best to deliver.  
  
E-mail: all_your_bass42@hotmail.com 


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